Sleepless nights...

To say it's just been one of those days is an understatement. More like it's been one of those weeks, but actually it has really been one of those months. I knew this job was a hard one, being a CPS social worker is no walk in the park. But the thing that you know, but don't really understand, and may even forget from time to time, is the massive toll that those hard cases can have. Especially when you have week after week of crisis after crisis. (I'm currently on week number three.) These complex and highly emotional cases can overtake you completely when you have them. They don't just live in your brain, requiring creative thinking or difficult conversations with families, they seep into your entire being. Your body can become numb, you can feel complete exhaustion, or have no appetite whatsoever and a never-ending, stabbing headache. Days like these make you want to sleep forever, but they can also twist your dreams so sleep isn't always the sanctuary you want it to be. You don't know how to feel, because it's not really your pain or distress that you're feeling, but your body still may feel numb no matter what you may do to distract yourself. I never truly understood what it meant to need to "veg out" or "escape" until this job. And as I sit here, trying to quiet my brain and numb my feelings enough so I can sleep, I am still at a loss as to how to feel after the things I have been dealing with these past weeks. All I can say is this isn't the first sleepless night I've had, nor will it be the last. I'm thankful for my fellow CPS social workers (the only people who can truly understand) in this often thankless and sometimes painful job. This would not be possible without you.